IFS Therapy for Self-Esteem
Moving from self-criticism towards self-compassion and confidence
Understanding Low Self-Esteem Through IFS Therapy
Low self-esteem can affect every area of your life. You may doubt yourself, compare yourself to others, struggle to speak up, or feel that your worth depends on meeting other people’s expectations.
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we do not see self-doubt as a flaw. Instead, IFS helps us understand that these feelings are connected to a more vulnerable part carrying experiences of criticism, rejection, shame or not feeling valued. This part may have developed during childhood or at other times in life when emotional needs were not fully met. Because these feelings can be painful, other protective parts often develop around them to help prevent further hurt.
For many South Asian women, these parts may also be shaped by cultural and family experiences, such as high expectations, comparisons, criticism, people-pleasing or feeling responsible for others. Over time, these experiences can influence how you see yourself and the beliefs you carry about your worth.
Common Parts Associated with Low Self-Esteem
Many of us wear masks without even realising it.
We may present ourselves as confident, capable or “fine,” while inside we’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed or just not good enough.
From an IFS perspective, these masks are often protective parts. They developed for a reason, perhaps to help us fit in, avoid criticism, meet expectations or cope with difficult experiences.
You might recognise:
• A Perfectionist Part that pushes you to get everything right, believing mistakes may lead to criticism or rejection.
• A People-Pleasing Part that focuses on keeping others happy to gain approval, often at the expense of your own needs.
• An Inner Critic that points out flaws and mistakes, hoping to protect you from rejection or failure.
• A Body Image Part that compares you to others, believing that looking a certain way will bring acceptance, confidence or worth.
• An Avoidant Part that encourages you to hold back or stay small, trying to protect you from judgement or rejection.
Although these parts may once have helped you cope, they can also leave you feeling stuck in self-doubt and disconnected from your true self.
How IFS Helps Heal Low Self-Esteem
IFS therapy offers a space where these protective parts no longer have to carry everything alone. Together, we gently understand the roles they have played, appreciate how they’ve been trying to help, and support the more vulnerable parts they have been protecting.
As these parts begin to feel heard and understood, you can start to feel more connected to yourself, with greater calm, confidence and self-compassion.
Begin Your Journey Towards Greater Self-Worth
If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, self-criticism or confidence, I offer a free 15-minute consultation to explore how IFS therapy can help. Contact me.
About Me
My name is Nabeelah Khan-Cheema and I’m an Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist. However, before I became a therapist I worked as an Orthoptist (eyes) in the NHS, for over 30 years. So, how did I get from Orthoptics to a career in counselling? Read More…